It's cool enough here in Vernon that I'm tempted to light a fire in the fireplace! But I'll wait, although it reminds more of October than August. Here are some funnies that might warm your heart on this cool day:
Getting through Customs.....
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What may I do for you?''Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.''With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?''I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Pass, Father. Next!'
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Parish that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approched him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The Bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" "No matter," said the man "observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?" "I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for a bell ringer of Nothre Dame. The first man to approach him said "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armles wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked. "Who is this man?" I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."